Office Aroma
Dear Rex of the River,
We recently had an RTO mandate at my company. Work-from-home was completely eliminated.
Being back in the office is not ideal, sure, but not the worst thing ever.
They treat us well. I like my co-workers.
Except for one guy. This guy who sits kitty-corner from me. Bob. Apparently, he does not regularly shower. Nice guy, I suppose. But he reeks!
In my head I refer to him as B.O. Bob.
I can’t take it much anymore. How do I resolve this stinky situation?
Signed,
Optional Hygiene? Not Okay!
Dear OH NO,
For the moment, let’s move the conversation away from hygiene.
Shift the topic to a better starting point: compassion.
Compassion can do wonders with the merest of scraps.
It is a thread that grows stronger the more it is unspooled.
Hemming the seams of our mercy and kindness.
Cloak your co-worker in good will, and in return this textile might soothe your own soul someday.
I wonder if Bob has allergies to soaps and colognes? And cannot cleanse himself to a finer degree.
Perhaps an unfortunate body chemistry causes him to sweat more heavily than others.
It could be a sign that he is depressed or really suffering. Suffering in a way that makes daily care a troublesome chore.
I assume you’ve already asked to change desks and were unable to obtain alternate seating.
The next step is to go to HR. Do not approach Bob directly. Discuss it confidentially with Human Resources. Or find a reliable supervisor who might assist with the process.
Either way, I’m sure you’ll proceed with appropriate tact.
Bob is a human being, after all, quite worthy of respect and compassion.
A gracious waistcoat wears better than a callous vest.
Counterpoint commentary by …
BOOMPLE the Clown
Your co-worker is stinking up the joint?
There’s always a rotten one.
Always some problem or issue.
Reminds me of a former colleague. Freddie Feline. He didn’t smell bad, no. But Freddie … had other problems.
Imagine a clown taking the stage with flowing, fake whiskers. Yellow contacts shaped like cat eyes. And licking himself with uncomfortable enthusiasm.
Creepiest thing I’ve ever seen! Frightened the whole building.
He stunk so bad (as a clown) that he got launched clear out of the circus industry. End of career.
Now he only works one month out of the year. October! He jumps from bushes at a Frightmare Farms deep in the woods, at nighttime in the freezing cold.
That’s the high point! The rest of the year I hear he does webcam stuff. And that’s about as far as I want to go with that. No need to let that cat (c’mon say it with me) out of the bag.
With all that in mind? Be blunt and address the problem head-on.
You shouldn’t have to put up with this.
Tell ol’ Ripe Robert to fix his nasty odor in short order.
His comfy cubicle will become a haunted house before he knows it.
