Rom-Com Mishap
How an honest mistake cost one beau his movie-loving lady
Dear Rex the Reasonable,
My girlfriend and I watched a movie on streaming last night. A love story (as usual), but it also had a murder mystery.
In the opening scene, the main character brandishes a revolver and then stuffs it in a drawer.
I immediately shouted, “Chekov’s Gun!”
You know about that, right? The idea that if a weapon (or odd item) appears in the first act of a story, it’s bound to pay off in the final act. Usually in a climactic moment.
(Named for playwright Anton Chekov, who said, “One must not put a loaded rifle on the stage if no one is thinking of firing it.”)
I whispered that the main character would end up getting killed by that revolver, and lo and behold, that is exactly how it ended.
My girlfriend freaked and flipped out!
She accused me of leaking “spoilers” about the movie. Told me I ruined it. Called me a hater and a jerk! Said she couldn’t date someone who’s into spoilers and announced we were done. Just like that.
Was it really that bad? I didn’t mean to give away the ending, I swear.
Just trying to stay interested in the movie.
Now I’m sitting here in a state of total shock.
Worst rom-com ever.
Signed,
Brooding Alone, Naomi Gone
Dear BANG,
As a movie aficionado myself? Trust me, that was no blatant spoiler.
Merely an innocent comment about the inner workings of stories.
I dare say the issue here is really one of compatibility. Spoiler alert: you have none.
Forgive my bluntness, but this relationship was doomed. No person with a sincere heart would ever react like that. Not even the biggest movie fan in the world.
She was ready to end the relationship, and this presented the flimsiest of excuses to walk out.
Perhaps you need to find someone more like yourself. Who enjoys discussing the details of a movie, as opposed to merely following along with the plot.
Neither way is wrong, of course! As every performer soon learns: we merely put on the show. What you take from it is completely up to you.
I wonder, did you enjoy those many romances? I detect a faint tone in your letter that suggests you did not.
Were you ever allowed to pick a movie?
Did your needs always come second?
Perhaps you would have preferred to see a stage play, or a musical, or, dare I say, a performing troupe displaying an array of circus talent?
Hear me out: why can’t the circus be a date-night option? Why can’t “dinner and a show” include our 3-ring show?
We offer mystery and comedy and daredevils galore. Perhaps even a dash of romance! Enough to rouse the passions of any spectator, first-dater, suave operator or sweet lovemaker.
Keep your chin up, dear friend! Romance may soon walk your way again.
And when it does, think about what you value. In dating, that is! You are allowed to expect good things. Respect, honesty, emotional safety: not small concerns at all. Things you certainly deserve.
Hopefully your next love affair will hew closer to a true Hollywood happy ending.
Counterpoint commentary by …
Lindi Dee DuVerne, Fire Breather
This is a real “I-ain’t-never,” that’s for sure.
Cuz I ain’t never heard of somebody breakin’ up with somebody over a comment made during a movie show.
Now this here Chekov’s Gun thing, I don’t know about that. I don’t watch much foreign films.
But how do you not realize that a gun gettin’ flashed in the beginning is gonna get used in the ending? Don’t take a fancy film critic to know that.
Your gal just might be a little backwards in the thinkin’ department. The kinda person who’d lose a game of Rock-Paper-Scissors against a lobster, if you know what I’m sayin’.
The type of person who couldn’t find their rear end with both hands in their back pockets.
Now, this is all assumin’ you’re not a motormouth or what-not. You don’t mansplain the hows and whys of everything? I got no time for that. If you’ve been mansplaining, then I don’t blame the girl for walkin’.
Some men loooove the sound of their own voices.
You ask them for the time, they start givin’ you instructions on how to build a cuckoo clock!
Just a whole lot of blah-blah-blah.
Maybe both of you two were the problem, I don’t know, I wasn’t there.
But barrin’ an apology, you need to pick up your self-respect and move on without a glance backward.
Even a dog knows the difference between bein’ stumbled over and bein’ kicked.
Just hold your head up high and walk away, cuz there ain’t no stunt double comin’ to save you during these dark scenes of l’amour.
