Quitting The Colorful Bottles
There's nothing you can teach me, that I can't learn from Mr. Hath-A-Way
Dear Rainy Day Rex,
I recently attended an odd gathering. An intervention-slash-ambush in my parent’s living room. Surprise!
They want to send me to rehab.
My family and friends and their collection of serious expressions.
They all agreed that I needed to get help.
Due to a long-smoldering romance with gin, vodka, beer and cannabis.
I’m quite happy with the relationship. I know it’s unhealthy, yeah thanks everyone, no kidding. But it works for me.
The thought of trying to rawdog reality, like every single day? Chills me to the bone.
Can’t I just keep on keepin’ on?
Signed,
Hello It’s Grand Hearing Overly Nervous Lectures Involving Frivolity’s Evils
Dear HIGH ON LIFE,
Your letter uses humor to lull me to your side, but please take note!
I’ll not be swayed by (although I do appreciate) a friendly wit.
And in this matter, at least, the evidence is abundantly clear.
Your entire social circle has stated that you (yes, you) have a serious problem abusing alcohol and cannabis.
You do not even object to this allegation! You seem to agree with it.
That is not the issue, is it? No.
You’re afraid of what comes next.
If you make the change. What will life be like?
Without a crutch, without a defense. With just yourself.
It’s a leap of faith. To believe you can end this toxic romance with depressants and substances.
To believe you have the strength to be your best self.
It might take support, of course. Great things are not done alone.
I believe there is a saying: One day at a time.
Trust your family and friends to point you toward a better future.
Give it a try, you may rise above your problems and pains. It’s true!
Unexpected and unanticipated joys will make themselves available to a healthier version of you.
Counterpoint commentary by …
Wyatt Aussome & His Aussome Hogs
Getting the proper care, which seems easy, is not always so abundant.
I’m talking now about hog hemorrhoids.
It should be a breeze, right? We know how to treat the problem.
The veterinarian writes a prescription for hog suppositories. The ones with hydroclateine and aloe-orbithal.
Simple as can be.
Then some fella on the radio starts saying that hydroclateine is safe for people as well as hogs. And not just hemorrhoids, but erectile dysfunction!
Things got a little crazy after that. Soon we couldn’t get our hands on the stuff.
And then there I am, having come up with alternate methods of care. Try getting a hog to stay still in a sitz bath!
Just an exercise in futility.
After a while, folks finally smartened up and stopped taking the anal swine medicine.
And now I can get my hogs the help they require.
You don’t have that problem, do you?
The treatment that you need, it’s readily available. Practically holding out its arms to you.
Don’t reject it. You’re fortunate to have people that care about you.
Or maybe … I shouldn’t say that? Is that like shaming you or something? I don’t know, I don’t mean to be negative.
But give it a try, at least. The rehab.
Take the treatment they’re offering and get healthy, if you can.
And the moral of the story? Well, that sitz bath from years yonder, it all worked out in the end.
Wasn’t easy, but with love and support we got through it.
I have to believe you’re operating with at least as much sense as a hemorrhoid-suffering hog.
