Golden Retriever Boyfriend
Dear Rex the Romantic,
My girlfriend (Tinslee) and I have been together nearly two years. So far, really good.
Today … I learned why.
I’m what’s known as a Golden Retriever Boyfriend!
The hallmarks of a GRB: Loyal, guileless, happy just to be there. Energetic, positive, uncomplicated. Blindly and completely devoted.
Is that so terrible? That’s how I was raised. It comes naturally to put her before myself.
She’s funny and a good listener and quite pretty. Tinslee treats me well, I think.
But now I wonder. Does she see me as a loyal dog?
I’m starting to wish I was more of a bad boy.
Signed,
Really Unhappy, Feeling Foolish
Dear RUFF,
You raise an interesting yet perplexing conundrum.
You are content in your relationship? You say your paramour treats you satisfactorily?
Yet there is suddenly: a problem.
The new dilemma is that you are too nice? Not assertive enough? Not an alpha bro?
From the outside looking in, you seem to have a successful connection.
If you are happy and she’s also happy? From my vantage point, that’s a win.
You fear she likes you merely for your pliable, accommodating nature?
But that IS your nature! There isn’t anything to fault, either in her or yourself.
Yes, it’s wise to examine situations with a fresh eye. Which is what it appears you are doing.
This line of inquiry, however, may lead you to undeserved worry.
In other words: don’t look for trouble where there is none.
The stoic philosopher Seneca once said: “A man who suffers before it is necessary, suffers more than is necessary.”
Centuries later, the poet Ogden Nash expressed that same sentiment like this: “If called by a panther, don’t anther.”
You have found someone who loves you for yourself.
I feel confident saying this is much, much more than puppy love.
Counterpoint commentary by …
Marzonk! the Strong-Man
As young boy, Marzonk! really wanted dog. Wanted new puppy, Golden Retriever!
There was reason, oh yes.
Marzonk! thought Golden Retriever could find gold. You know, like furry leprechaun.
Told friends at school about it. All kids laugh at Marzonk!. Dumb-dumb.
Marzonk! never want pet after that day.
Animals stupid. Sad memory. Until.
Marzonk! start dating future Mrs. Marzonk!. She had two cats.
Trixie and Pixie.
World opened for Marzonk! He feel love of animals.
Change outlook on great many things.
Still do not know about Golden Retriever. Or if good boyfriend type.
Idea, though. What about leprechaun?
Maybe act like Leprechaun Boyfriend!
Be good luck charm every day. Help partner find gold. Buy cereal with little tasty marshmallows.
That could be nice way to love.
Any boyfriend with happy girlfriend seems like good boyfriend to Marzonk!.
