Dark Doorway
Dear Count Rexula,
Today, my doorknob broke. The knob on the front door to my house. Useless!
It still twists when you turn it, but does nothing. The little piece won’t retract. The door won’t open.
You have no idea infuriating this is.
It had been acting weird for a while, but I was like, really? Really? I have nothing else to worry about?
Then today, the doorknob completely broke.
I’ve never heard of this happening to anyone else. Screw it, maybe I’m cursed.
Things went downhill.
I drank nine beers and kicked the door so hard I bent the frame all out of whack.
This really sucks. Wish I could win just once in a while.
Signed,
Big Loser, Unhappy Existence
Dear BLUE,
I am sorry you are having a tough go of it lately.
Let’s see how I may humbly be of assistance!
You sound overwhelmed. Unable to make time to fix a doorknob. Unable to find space to be your best self.
Of course, you must acknowledge some red flags waving in the breeze.
The anger! Not a healthy situation. Meditation or exercise or counseling. You must get a handle on the feelings circulating within.
On a similar note. The drinking? While okay in moderation, I get the sense you are relying on or abusing such beverages. Would you concur?
This task is not beyond you. Fix your door. Get help with it — as well as the drinking — should you need.
Stay strong in the face of fear. Life can get better.
Figure out the changes you need to make in order to reach a happier future.
With a little work, the path to happiness can be found beneath your feet.
Counterpoint commentary by …
Dexter O’Droit, Lead Head Juggler
As you can see, I went ahead and changed my professional title.
But I don’t know if this is any better. Head Juggler? Does it maybe suggest that I juggle skulls, or like, craniums?
I think that it does.
Going to workshop my title a little bit more. Still not quite right.
As to your question? Well, history has many examples of mistakes and blunders.
Take for example, Abraham Lincoln. A slew of setbacks! Failed at business, lost a bunch of elections, had a nervous breakdown. Despite these defeats, he regrouped and became one of our greatest presidents.1
In 1908, the famous “Merkle’s Boner” game took place. Fred Merkle’s base-running gaffe cost the New York Giants a chance at the World Series! His life got better. He enjoyed a 42-year marriage to his wife Ethel and fathered three kids. His hometown’s (Watertown, WI) baseball team plays at Fred Merkle Field.2
In 1993, the vocal group Girls Tyme competed on Star Search (the popular talent show of its day.) Girls Tyme did not win. One of its members, Beyoncé Knowles, later achieved a modicum of success.3
More recently, a major film studio (no names) made three sequels to a beloved outer-space series. They were terrible! A beloved brand ruined with mediocre drek. Yet they still get to make more. Awful failures don’t always equal doom.4
To point the lens at myself, even I misstep on rare occasions. Last year in Baltimore, I had a drop on the famous 7-ball behind-the-back twist!
Humiliating, yes. But I overcame the conditions and perservered.5
With all this in mind, I offer a final thought:
Forgive yourself for your failure.
You wrote into this column for advice. Meaning that you know you messed up.
You want to be better than this.
Keep juggling life’s challenges, don’t stop! Try your best at handling everything tossed your way.
Abe’s bad luck, unfortunately, didn’t end. He was assassinated in 1865. Dang.
That game is considered one of the most controversial in all of baseball history! There are whispers of chicanery or deceit. Fred may or may not have pulled a boner.
To date, Beyoncé has sold 355 million records worldwide.
OMG so bad! Meesa do not like them.
To be fair, the humidity in the arena was out of control. Someone should have been fired. Like juggling in a car wash.