Coulrophobia
Dear Approximate Rex,
You recently published a column defending clowns. And all the while you poo-pooed the idea that clowns are scary. A clown even gave a rebuttal!
I am not happy.
My fiancée suffers from Coulrophobia. That’s the fear of clowns or clown images. It is a real thing with an official medical diagnosis.
I’ve seen the cost: extreme anxiety, elevated heartbeat, profuse sweating and even vomiting.
We’ve tried exposure therapy, but not one of the clowns involved can ever stop trying to be funny. They freak her out even more!
Maybe show some compassion to those who suffer from this malady.
Signed,
Feeling Revulsion Over Weird Nerds
Dear FROWN,
I am sorry for your fiancée’s struggles.
No one wishes fear and pain on another human being. Certainly not me.
But clowns don’t exist to torment her! Surely you must know that.
I have no doubt this is quite difficult. You are trying to help someone you love through a huge challenge.
Even as I root for her success, I stand firmly behind my clown co-workers (to be specific: those with no legal charges or active warrants).
They are masters of mirth, wishing only (and I speak chiefly of clowns with no convictions, judgments, or ongoing courtroom issues) to brighten the lives of all they meet.
I sincerely hope you and your fiancée achieve happiness in all the days to come.
May she find a form of merriment that’s an apt tonic for her temperament.
Counterpoint commentary by …
BOOMPLE the Clown
Seems like there’s trouble in paradise, huh chief?
Sounds like quite a downer.
That being said, I don’t see how it’s any of my concern.
Let’s say for example you’re an insurance agent. Delivery driver. Customer service flunkie.
Should you bore the weight of everyone else in that job class?
Your broad brush paints my profession in a negative light.
Here’s a thought: maybe you’re the problem? Maybe she thinks she’s dating a real clown.
Her phobia is being tied down for life with a goofy guy with little to offer.
Hypothetically, for sure. No doubt you’re a big winner.
The mirror is the last place anyone ever wants to look when there’s trouble.
My dude, the best you can do?
Focus on supporting your fiancée throughout this unfortunate condition.
Avoid taking pot shots at humorous individuals desiring only to entertain the masses.
Clowns are not any scarier than spiders or snakes or vampires.
None are born scary. Just creatures doing what they’re designed to do.
So I’ll keep on fighting the good fight and you and your honey go do the same.
