Amateur Hour
Dear Rexual Healing,
My boyfriend is a great guy, but lately he’s doing something weird.
Whenever anyone asks if he has hobbies or interests, he smiles and tells them he’s an “amateur gynecologist.”
I’m not sure how it started but I absolutely hate it.
Before this, he checked most of the boxes of what I’m looking for in a partner. Now he’s giving me a slight case of the ick.
I’m not ready to pull the plug yet. But I’m starting to get cold feet about this relationship.
Should I stay or should I go?
Signed,
Boyfriend Attempts Far-Fetched Laugh Every Day
Dear BAFFLED,
The problem maybe simply be a calibration of humor?
He thinks this is funny, and yet it is not. It is horribly unfunny.
But you like him overall? That’s what I’m hearing. I’m assuming that means he has many good qualities.
One awful joke can be corrected. At least I hope it can.
Everyone has their blind spots, and/or might not always understand what a partner expects.
Love is often a work in progress.
It’s a delicate tightrope to cross.
If he’s just being misogynistic or vulgar, then yes, he can be cast aside.
But if your beaux is merely clueless? That is something else altogether.
First decide if he’s worth the effort.
If so? Present him with a stern course correction. An intelligent guy will get the message.
It’s a cliché to declare ‘nobody’s perfect,’ so I’ll refrain from that obvious platitude.
But how much perfect do you need?
I feel there are many questions to be answered before finding your resolution.
‘Measure twice, cut once’ is also a cliché, I suppose, but it’s one I’ll whole-heartedly apply to your situation.
Counterpoint commentary by …
Shandoleesa, Mistress of the Trapeze
My response to such a problem would often be preordained.
I have strong feelings on prospective suitors.
Normally, I would not hesitate to say something like:
Ban this man from your sight. Never speak to him again. Shun him until the sun explodes and the universe slowly fades from endless existence.
From some reason, in this case? I feel there is something more.
I want to approach this in the same manner that Rex handles such troubles. To see it from all sides, to image possibilities.
I wonder …
Have you and your man engaged in intimacy? Perhaps you’ve lit a passionate flame, and his awkward response is a way of signaling he’s ready.
In a similar vein, he could be feeling quite inadequate. He might be inexperienced, a true amateur in the boudoir.
He may have heard a comedian who’d gotten a big laugh using that phrase. And it’s an attempt at repurposing a joke, but in the wrong context or tone.
I enjoy this kind of analysis! Problems become like jewels, multi-faceted and with a deep breadth of views.
Unfortunately, none of this matters.
You must cleave him from your side and make him rue his idiotic tongue. Cast his remains to the scrap heap of the online dating world. Send him to a shadow realm of solitude and perpetual loneliness.
If he whimpers with enough sincerity, for long enough, you could consider taking him back.
Myself, I would never.
You must keep your standards high if you wish to attain excellence.
